Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
