Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
