ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
