Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
