my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
