this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
