just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
from now on my penis is your penis
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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