Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
