I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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