i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
