There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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