Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She bit a glass in half.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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