she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
