Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
