If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
