I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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