Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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