he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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