the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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