You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
