hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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