My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
