Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
4 words: hood of his car
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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