Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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