So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
