Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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