So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
