there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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