he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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