I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
