I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
