dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
