i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
