he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
