Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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