I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
foreskin is a definite game changer
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
