just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
