I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
