You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
