i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
