Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
