Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
