I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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