Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
