No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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