oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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