chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
