So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
