The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
