Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
