There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
