I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
