How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't turn off my feet"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
