well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
