I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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