the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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