can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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