I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
