And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
