the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
