Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
