Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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