I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
